Fatwa-titis

Technorati tags: Humor, Religion, Islam, Yoga, Fatwa, Fatwa Council

Amazing. Simply amazing.

It often escapes the notice of many as to just how rigidly controlled Muslims are in this country. Or the attempt at rigidly controlling Muslims, at the very least. Not so many days ago, it was tomboys. And before that, those cute and glowing kiddie horns. Little by little, every little nitty gritty detail of our daily lives seems to be coming under the purvue and clutches of Jakim, and/or the Fatwa Council. Whether we like it, or not.

The next soon-to-be potential casualty: yoga. Via Malaysiakini (subscription required):

Malaysian Islamists, like the Republicans in the US, often provide good fodder for comedy. You cannot help but laugh at just how blinkered their world view is.

The saddest part about all of this, though, is that the target of this extreme mind-control - the Malay/Muslims - are willingly allowing themselves to be controlled to the point of ridiculousness. Some, in fact, support and welcome it. Is-alarm-ists like PKR Member of Parliament for Kulim Baru, Zulkifli Nordin (whom, frankly, should really be kicked out of PKR), for example, who keeps screaming "Under Threat! Under Threat!" at any and every given opportunity.

When what's really being threatened, with increasing fervor, is really our individual freedom of thought and conscience...
(prisoners in a glass cage, and more, in the full post)

And so, in not too distant a future, it looks like we're gonna be sic'd with another fatwa du jour.... Of course, they might come out and say that there's nothing wrong with yoga, per se, despite it having some roots in Hinduism.

Or, more likely, Walski thinks, the fatwa may pave the way for "Islamic Yoga", whatever the heck that might pan out to be. Sorta like the Islamic Wheel, Walski reckons. 

According to the Malaysiakini article referenced above, (and corroborated by a similar article in The Star) the mind of the Muslim is extremely fragile, you see. Anything that resembles anything remotely non-Islamic is immediately deemed a potential threat. Like T-junctions, or crosses on biscuits. And so, in order that these extremely fragile minds are protected, fatwa-titis sets in, like a religious neurosis, of sorts. It's a defense mechanism - you know, protecting Muslims not just from the challenges in life, but from life itself... 

Well, be that as it may, we'll have to wait a while before all will be revealed... not by God, of course, but by the Fatwa Council, His self-proclaimed representative on planet Malaysia.

But it did lead Walski to thinking (GASP! And yes, thinking is probably another potential faith deviator), what other things would be fatwa'd upon. And so, the deviantly thinkful Walski came up with a list. It probably isn't all encompassing, so feel free to add to it.

• Color - while there may be a lot of disagreement between the RGB, CMYK and HSV/HSL mazhabs (schools of thought), one thing is for sure - there simply too damn many colors. Millions of 'em... and this is just plain wrong! There should be just black, white and green. And Walski's waiting for a fatwa on this very crucial issue. 
• Anti-gravitational behavior - Gravity is one of God's basic laws. Or is it a derived law? Ok, God created it, and that infidel Newton went and quantified the damn thing. And yet, this very law is flouted with gay abandon - even as Walski writes this. If God had meant for Man to fly, He wouldn't have invented camels. Where's the fatwa on this one?
• Bahasa Malaysia - like Yoga, much of Bahasa Malaysia (or Melayu, if you insist, you language supremacist you) is derived from Sanskrit. Yes, that same infidel Hindu language used to write about Yoga in the Bhagavad Gita and in the Rig Veda, where it's referred to as tapas (as in "ascetic practice", and not the tasty collective of Spanish dishes variety, which incidentally, Walski loves). Words like angkasa, agka, asmara, suka, samudera, pandita, mahasiswa/mahasiswi... all Hindu in origin. Does that mean speaking Bahasa Malaysia is a threat to the Islamic faith? Walski is now thoroughly confused... and needs to be fatwa'd on this ASAP.
• Corruption - now, it's probably a no-brainer, but corruption is wrong, by the standards of any social or belief system (except maybe Ferengi). But what about those grey areas, like using religious enticements to... you know... nudge, nudge... wink, wink... curry someone's decision. Like offering Umrah (mini-pilgrimage) trips as enticement. It does happen, mind you.... So, anyone got a fatwa for Walski on this?
• Traffic Laws - since traffic laws aren't explicitly laid out in any scripture that Walski knows of, perhaps this is one area that should be fatwa'd. Gender ambiguity is something really frowned upon, right? Walski therefore thinks that lane ambiguity should have some sort of ruling as well... those idiots who can't seem to decide between one lane or the other. And what about those right-wing morons... them motorists who put on their right turn signal, and never turn the damn thing off? There are left-wing morons, too, who can equally be as annoying, but somehow there seem to be less of 'em compared to the rght-winged bats-out-of-hell (i.e. Malaysian motorists). Since the police, for the most part, are as hopelessly lawless on the road (try following a patrol car and see how many traffic rules are flouted), can we please, please, please be fatwatized in this area? 
• Unexpected Gender Ambiguities - Yes, it would seem that girls who look like boys are soon going to get a dose of persecution, based on a recent fatwa council statement. And we all know about those transvestite and how the Islamists just love them so... But what about appliances or utensils that can't seem to decide what gender they are? Like sporks... those abominations that are neither spoon nor fork, and many times both. Blasphemous! Or washers that are also dryers... and don't seem to do either very well. Fatwa, baby... fatwa!
• The ubiquitous "0" - yes, the number Zero... yet another thing borrowed from the Hindus by the Arabs, who then went ahead and claimed it as their own (hence, "Arabic" numerals). Life, Walski is sure, used to be so much more Islamic when the Abjad number system was used... then that God-damned Fibonacci had to come along and screw things up.... Fatwa! Gimme a Fatwa!
• The letter "T" - or even more damning, the small letter "t", so much resembling the icon of that other religion. After crosses on biscuits were deemed by some to be potentially detrimental to one's faith (not to mention waistline), Walski has been waiting anxiously for a fatwa on.... Holy Crap... there's a letter "t" in fatwa! We're doomed! Doomed!

In any case, if anyone reading this, Muslims in particular, is offended, then ask yourself this question: isn't it more offensive that there are folks trying to dictate what you can, or cannot do, without giving you the benefit of being a thinking individual?

Or do you think that it's okay for others to do the thinking and reasoning for you, having been convinced that you're in no position to make up your own mind?

And please... none of that "Islam should be discussed by Muslims only and not openly, or by anyone else" crap... Those supposedly in authority are doing a grand enough job of making Islam a laughing stock, without help from anyone.

All Walski's doing here is pointing out the obvious - that what rights we have as thinking individuals are slowly being systematically eroded. 

And God gave us an intellect, and a brain... for what, again?