Living in the CROSShairs of Paranoia

Technorati tags: Religion, Islam, Malaysia, Myopia, Paranoia, Crosses

Related posts: Other bloggerhood brethren who've posted on this stupid Crucifix-on-a-biscuit controversy:
► Fathi Aris Omar
► Jeff Ooi
► Howsy
... and numerous others.

Walski cannot help but find this funny. To an extent, it's almost a self-fulfilling prophesy. Walski cannot believe that anyone would actually make an issue out of this.

Sometime back, Walski posted (in a facetious vein) about how the letters "T" & 't" (Panda added the arithmethic operators "+" and "x") should be stricken from the alphabet, because of their uncanny resemblance to crucifixes. That, and other silly prohibitions recommended for those Muslims suffering from literalism-induced myopia.

And now, there are a group of concerned Muslim consumers who are seeing crosses on biscuits and making a fuss about it (originally read at Fathi Aris Omar's Patah Balek).

So concerned, in fact, that they've filed a police report. These folks are apparently the same ones who had earlier on tried to crucify (pun intended) the makers of High 5 bread, making it more than just a health-related issue, namely the Persatuan Pengguna Islam Malaysia (PPIM), or Muslim Consumers Association.

To Walski, this really is starting to get into the realm of the ridiculous. If these overly myopic Muslims are going to take offense to seeing crosses in everything, as if perpetually living under the cross-hairs of self-induced paranoia, they may as well move some place else safer.

As it turns out, in fact, as we will see later on in this post, no place on planet Earth is likely to be safe from those scary crucifixes or crucifix-like imagery. To be totally safe from the influence of these crucifixes they fear so much, migration to another planet may even be necessary.

The forum in which Fathi Aris Omar initially read about this latest controversy is TranungKite (and the thread pertaining to the Cross-on-a-biscuit issue makes for interesting and entertaining reading), and thought it was put up for comedic value. One commenter insinuated that if there are visible crosses on the biscuit, "who knows what could be in the biscuit".

So, since this whole issue revolves around something utterly ridiculous, Walski has no choice, but to take it to the next level of absurdity... so here are things that have crosses in or on them, which should be avoided by these overly-concerned morons. Like the plague that they've made themselves out to be.
(crosses, crosses everywhere... in the full post)

We've already covered the letters "T", "X", "t", and "x". They are indeed crucifix like. And also the arithmethic operators "+" and "x", by the way. So, here are other things and places that these morons should avoid as well, lest they inadvertently run into something that resembles a crucifix.

Throw your TV away
For starters, even the word television has the blasphemous letter "t" in it. So, while staying home may be safe, make sure you don't watch tv. tv1, tv2, tv3... hell, even RTM on Astro... all of 'em have the letter "t" in them.

Stay away from tiled surfaces
Almost any tiled surface presents you with a whole orgy of crucifixes. So, if your house has any tiled surfaces, rip 'em out immediately. Especially in the kitchen - imagine all the crucifix-contaminated food you're eating prepared in your tiled-floor kitchen. Your own kitchen could be the source of your potential blasphemy... without you even having to worry yourself silly about some Wall's cookie ice-cream.

And what about your bathroom? Tiled floor and walls, Walski bets. Either move out, or remodel immediately. Your own home could put your fragile faith at risk.

Now, granted there are some tile designs where the edges don't meet at right angles. If your house utlizes these designs, then your faith may actually still be safe.

Avoid reading and writing with Romanized alphabets
Oh, and stay away from math, as well. Bonus points if you can read Arabic or write exclusively in Jawi. Otherwise, stay illiterate - it's safer. And since you're buying into the dreaded crucifix-everywhere rhetoric, you're probably already half-way to being free from any intelligence. Becoming illeterate and math-challenged merely completes the experience.

Ignorance is bliss, Walski's been told.

Stay away from cities/towns with intersections
Especially 4-way junctions and roundabouts - CROSSES, CROSSES, CROSSES! Even our capital city of Kuala Lumpur isn't safe.

Roundabouts can be hazardous to your faith, and 4-way junctions too
(image from Google Earth)

You may not see them at ground level (since you obviously can't see the bigger picture), but those dreaded crosses are definitely there! Well, you know, Kuala Lumpur may not be the best place to be living in anyway, with all the decadence and sin you keep harping about.

It would probably be safer for you if you moved to a somewhere more holy. Like Mecca, for example, the holiest of Islamic cities. You'd definitely be safe from crosses there, right?

Well, guess what?

Even the holiest of cities isn't safe from the treachery of hidden crucifixes...
(image from Google Earth)

And that's not counting the numerous cross-streets, junctions and what not. This large intersection, by the way is a mere 2km straight-line distance from the Great Mosque, which houses the Kaabah (according to Google Earth).

Like Walski mentioned earlier in the post, not a single inhabited area on planet Earth could automatically be considered safe haven from the potential blasphemy of crosses and crucifixes. Walski strongly suggests moving to uninhabited, infrastructure-free environments, where the risk of accidentally having crosses and crucifixes intruding into your periphery is reduced, if not eliminated.

Or better yet, move to another fucking planet...