HENN: 1Apartheid for a more manageable 1Malaysia

Technorati tags: Humor, HENN, Satire, Arthurs Day, Segregation, Apartheid

Arthurs Day Concert to mark roll-out of new unity initiative 
myAsylum reports on a new initiative to enhance the 1Malaysia concept, to be launched at an upcoming concert - reporting straight from Hell, and soon-to-be Hell-on-Earth, Malaysia. Another episode in the continuing series from the Hell-on-Earth News Network (HENN)

Following the success of the 1TearGas for National Unity campaign, authorities will continue to promote the 1Malaysia concept by unleashing a unique campaign to forge unity.

Hints of this new campaign reached the radar screen of HENN a few days ago when a group of very irate Internet users flooded our newsdesk phone lines with a complaint about not being able to access a particular website because of their age and/or religious demographic.

Fearing that somehow their religious demographic would be discovered by clicking Yes, via some mysterious link between their IP address and myKad, these irate users immediately called HENN.

myAsylum immediately dispatched its intrepid squad of Cybernetic Remote Autonomous Pararoaches (CRAP) to investigate. What HENN found out was un-shockingly expected. 
(forging 1Malaysia through 1Apartheid, and more, in the full post)

It appears that the mysteriously discriminative flash page was for an event called Arthurs Day (note: the site has since been taken down), to be held on September 25th, to commemorate the 250th anniversary of Arthur Guinness signing the 9,000 year lease to St. James Gate, home of the Guinness brewery in Dublin, Ireland.

On the surface, at least.

Speaking on the condition of anonymity, a senior staff member in one of the Malaysian government agencies disclosed that the prohibition on Muslims or those aged below 18, was part of a bigger program to enhance the concept of 1Malaysia.

The anonymous source stated that the program is to be called 1Apartheid, aimed at better managing harmony among Malaysians.

“We’ve found that uncontrolled socializing between Muslims and non-Muslims has been problematic”, the source said. “Something positive had to be done.”

“So far, we have completed the general 1Apartheid master plan, the slogan, and of course the logo. No program would be complete without a logo,” the source said.

Asked if the 1Apartheid initiative would actually be contrary to 1Malaysia, or if it would, in fact, erode unity, the source adamantly denied the insinuations.

“1Malaysia will definitely remain intact. 1Apartheid, in fact, will enhance the concept. It will very much be 1Malaysia – one for us, and one for them.”

Unfortunately, the conditions of anonymity also prevents HENN from disclosing whether the source belongs to “us” or “them”.

Explaining further, the source disclosed that the 1Apartheid program was necessary, as co-mingling between Muslims and non-Muslims had only lead to a lot of polemics, dissatisfaction, and a lot of unnecessary press.

“With this new program, we can more effectively address the needs of all Malaysians. Easier to manage this way. We simply do not have the machinery to handle the dissatisfaction raised every time there is an entertainment event.”

While some Malaysians have come out to criticize the move to bar Muslims from attending the Arthurs Day concert, the government source said that such outcry was expected to be temporary.

“It’s normal for people to complain about programs that are done in their best interest,” the source said. “They’ll just get used to it after a while. The program is, after all, to ensure harmony.”

Designating concerts that are suitable only for non-Muslims is only the first step, the source disclosed, adding that further segregation was expected to be accomplished over time.

“Next step in the master plan is to designate all music-related events, regardless of whether there is alcohol or not, to be for non-Muslims only. We are also working closely with Malaysia Airlines and Air Asia to see whether segregated seating is feasible on their flights,” the source said.

An important part of the master plan is the aspect of enforcement. The source revealed that a new enforcement agency would be created, and put under the purview of the source’s ministry.

“We are in the process of forming HARP – the Hassan Ali Religious Police – to assist us in ensuring that all designated events are indeed free from the participation of Muslims.”

In the next phase of 1Apartheid’s implementation, the source revealed that the deployment of HARPies would be carried out to ensure that no Muslims were employed in undesired jobs, such as in hotels, bars, music-related outlets, or any kind of job that involved fun and recreation.

“It is our responsibility to ensure that 1Apartheid is whole-heartedly implemented, and the HARPies will be very helpful in this respect,” the source added.

Asked whether such moves would cause massive unemployment, and trigger other economic and social problems, the source indicated that such considerations were beyond the scope of their department.

“Not our problem. It’s something that the Ministry of Human Resources would have to sort out”.

The 1Apartheid program is expected to be launched simultaneously with the start of the Arthurs Day concert at Sunway Lagoon Surf Beach, on September 25th.

HENN will keep a close watch on this new initiative to see how successful the program is. Presumably, the end result will be a harmonious “us” and “them”, resulting in a beautiful 1Malaysia, separately.
(© 2009 - Hell-on-Earth News Network)