HENN: The Real ACA Question...

Technorati tags: Humor, Satire, Politics, ACA, Investigation

ACA - what they're really after
myAsylum reports on the real question behind the ACA probe, and reveals what the ACA could really actually be, in this exclusive expose, straight from Hell, and soon-to-be Hell-on-Earth, Malaysia. Another episode in the continuing series from the Hell-on-Earth News Network (HENN)

In this special investigative report, Hell-on-Earth News Network (HENN), looks behind the headlines, and sees pure newsprint pulp. But it's pulp fact, not fiction.

By now, every freeloading Malaysian would have seen this front page report from The Sun, which appeared around free paper distribution points around the nation.

The secret revelation on the front page... hidden in plain sight
(click image to view a larger version)

The headlines are obvious - unless you're visually impaired. Or illiterate. What many people may not have noticed, but was immediately picked up by myAsylum's intrepid squad of Cybernetic Remote Autonomous Pararoaches (CRAP), with their extra-sensory sensationally sensoral sensors - the clues behind the real question that the ACA is after. And in revealing the question, inevitably swallowing the red pill, we traverse through the blunderland and find out the true nature of the ACA - who they really are.

And what's really surprising is that the real question the ACA quizzed Datuk Ramli's sisters was published along with the headlines and front page story - only that most Malaysians would have totally missed it. What better way to hide something, than to place it in plain sight, ne c'est pas?
(the real question, and more, in the full post)

Using patented super secret Microsoft-based imaging technologies, code-named zooming, myAsylum's CRAP imaging division was able to extricate one of the questions that the ACA had quizzed the Datuk's sisters about.

The ACA's RM 27M secret question...
(click image to download the entire actual front page in, PDF)

The Sun, in their quest to reveal news as is, un-sugar coated, and in the raw, actually put this secret question in plain sight, above the headline, cleverly disguised as an advert. Screaming loudly - as loud as the 3gp Malaysian porn star wannabees' lurid shrieks of illicit pleasure. Sneaky, but true.

And in light of this extraordinarily bizarre evidence, HENN and CRAP decided to dig deeper, looking behind the headlines, beyond the raw pulp, and finding pages and pages of hidden cryptic secrets. Secrets that no mortals are supposed to know. We have had to sell our souls to get to this information, so that you, the reader do not have to. You may be mortal, but HENN / CRAP live on forever.

According to our investigations, the ACA is not the anti-corruption squad, as the public has been misled to believe all this while, but the Asian Cosmetic Agency, the unheard-of-before-and-ever-again-after-this secret organization to uncover dermatological crimes against nature. In this case, moisture loss. They deal with appearances, and appearances can be deceiving.

This could be one of the key reasons why many cases that the ACA has handled, once handed over to the Attorney General's chambers, have been unprosecutable. Because it's all skin deep.

Take the classic case of the The Castle of Dreams, or "Istana Impian" (via The Malaysian), that expensive teak stick firmly lodged in the mudpile of cheap homes, sticking out like a sore thumb. Zakaria Md Deros was eventually cleared of all charges against him.

Now, take a look at the man (pictured on the right). Notice how unblemished his complexion is - definitely not been kissed by the moisture thief! HENN, however, will not speculate what or whom had kissed the man. And please, don't tempt us.

And on the grounds of his unblemished complexion alone, the ACA would have cleared him. The ACA as the truly are, that is - protectors of the truly Asian cosmetic importance, over substance. He must be some lucky beautician's prized customer, though... Betch!

HENN believes that in light of this shocking revelation, only those with blemished epidermis will like have their cases successfully prosecuted in the future, once the AG's chamber (and its associated chamber maids) gets their hands on the cases. We will just have to wait, under the sun (with sufficient SPF protection, naturally), and see what develops.

Appearances are important - more important than the blemishes that may lie under a ton of foundation, powder and blush. And it is this that the ACA - the Asian Cosmetic Agency - must protect. Agains the evils of the moisture thieves, and other anti-epidermial fiends, that lurk.

For appearances, at all cost, must always be kept.
(© 2007 - Hell-on-Earth News Network)

Walski's non-apologetic disclaimer footnote: It's a requirement these days - humor - a required ingredient to stay sane, in the current uneasy political environment that is Malaysia. Any similarities to real individuals, alive, dead or undead, are purely intentional. But not on grounds of malice. While it's easy to have malice in the blunderland of ours, this exercise in futility is nothing more than Walski trying to keep his sanity intact... Also, the new-found partnership of HENN and CRAP may soon spin off as a new blog of its own. Maybe. Just to forewarn you. So, chill, people, and have a great weekend!