Further Adventures of the Mutant Mullahs: Stop Open Dialog

Technorati tags: Mutant, Mullah, Satire, Commentary, Malaysia, Islam, Religion

It's been just short of one month since the Perak Ulama Conference 2006 took place. Remember? The conference in which Kongsi Raya, Liberalism and Pluralism were given the thumbs down? Yeah, that one.

Well yesterday evening, Walski came across this headline, at The Star online: "Group Wants to Stop Open Talk on Islam"

Apparently, another Ulama conference has been going on, this time in the state of Kedah, one state further north of Perak. And that has prompted this Mutant Mullah post.

But first things first - what does the news report say, exactly (emphasis by myAsylum)?

Group wants stop to open talk on Islam

ALOR STAR: A special forum under the Malay Rulers' Council should be set up to prevent views on Islam from being discussed openly.

Kedah 2006 Ulama Conference director Mohd Azmi Abdul Hamid said Islamic scholars and experts should sit in the forum.

“We should not let Islam be debated openly by non-experts, which would confuse Muslims,” he told newsmen after the conference yesterday.

Mohd Azmi said the Kedah 2006 Ulama Conference had agreed on 10 pages of resolutions to be distributed to the Malay Rulers' Council, leaders and MPs.

He said that among the resolutions were those on the understanding of apostasy, Islamic liberation, power of the Syariah Court and the conference's rejection for a plan to set up an Inter-Faith Commission.

Mohd Azmi said the resolution also covered issues on international conflicts including Iraq's invasion, Palestine and the turmoil in southern Thailand.

Okay... so now, non-experts can't discuss Islam. How grand. Walski doesn't know what sort of "Islamic scholars and experts" would sit in this forum, but if the esteemed FatwaMan is any indication of an Islamic scholar and expert, then surely were in for some interesting times ahead. For rational and (yes) liberal-minded Muslims, it's up sh*t-creek, without a paddle.

And, oh yes - more resolutions. The 23 resolutions from the last conference now accompany with it 10 pages worth of more resolutions. And one of them involves the Kedah conference's rejection to the planned Inter-Faith Commission.

Wait! Did someone say, inter-faith? Is this the same kind of inter-faith our Foreign Minister, Syed Hamid Albar made the following statement about (from Bernama, emphasis by myAsylum)?

Arrest Misperception Between Islam And Christianity Through Dialogue

KUALA LUMPUR, July 4 (Bernama) -- Malaysia has called on the world leaders to arrest the misrepresentation and misperception that exist between the Christian west and the Islamic world through dialogue.

Foreign Minister Datuk Seri Syed Hamid Albar said that only then would there be progress towards durable peace, stability and prosperity.

He said the leaders should commit themselves, their governments and their peoples to engage in dialogue that would result in tolerance and harmony.

"This may require us to review policies at the national, regional and international levels. We must overcome injustice and inequalities between peoples and nations and reject double standards and selectivity," he said at the opening of the second Asia-Europe Meeting (Asem) Interfaith Dialogue at Larnaca Cyprus.
(full report may be read here)

So, inter-faith dialog is okay... as long as it's not in Malaysia. And policies need to be reviewed as long as they've nothing to do with Malaysia. Hmm... interesting (not to mention false) facade were painting for the world to see, aren't we?

Note: We won't delve into the rhetoric surrounding the ultra-conservative Muslims' views and accusations of hidden agendas pertaining to inter-faith dialog in this post. That will be addressed in a separate post.

Actually, Walski sees the brilliant logic behind the Kedah press statement. Islam shouldn't be discussed by 'non-experts' - it would make Muslims confused. Yup, Muslims are already such a confused mindless lot, and should not be subjected to more thinking and needless use of their brains, other than to obey, comply and follow what the 'experts' dictate. Cunning... very, very cunning. Make the Muslim believe they really are stupid, thus making them easier to control.

Which got Walski to thinking (yes, Walski threads the fine line between logic and hellfire every breathing moment) - what else could the Mutant Mullahs possibly decree next?
(more on the soul-saving decrees in the full post)

From an earlier post, we more or less get the idea that anything remotely associated with the rituals of another religion can get a Muslim closer towards shirik (associate anything or anyone with God) and thus towards apostacy. We now know (from the same post) that his includes ornate Indian oil lamps. So what else could bring Muslims closer to a state of shirik, in the minds of the ultra-conservative Mutant Mullahs? Here are some possibilities:

Prohibition on Candles and All Oil Lamps - since candles are used in Christian (and other religions) worhip, they shall no longer be allowed for use by Muslims. This includes the use of (horrors!!) candles for illumination, birthday cakes, or for chasing away bugs at the road-side stalls. Battery operated flashlights are permitted, as to-date no other religions use them in their worship rituals. Oil lamps are a no-brainer - once an oil lamp, always an oil lamp. But the definition of oil lamps now encompass oil-lamp like objects, such as the Lampe Berger aromatherapy lamps (credit to Howsy for this idea), which not only resemble oil lamps, but are marketed by very evil and opportunistic orang asing (non-Malays/Muslim), likely funded by external sources.

Cinema audiences must be segregated by sex - no intermingling of sexes to be allowed in cinema halls. As a minimum a screen shall be placed as a partition between Male and non-Male viewing areas. Those unsure of which gender they belong to shall be segregated by dressing.

The letters T and X to be stricken from the alphabet - these two letters, T and X (small and caps) too closely resemble the Christian crucifix. From here on, they shall be replaced by the Arabic alphabet ت
and 'eks', respecتively. Any eeksisت ing documenتs conتtaining تhese تwo offending leتتers musت be re-wriتتen immediaتely. تhis includes all تeeksتbooks, magazines, and mosت of all, the numerous blogs. We cannoت allow تhe eeksisتance of تhese offending alphabeتs causing peril تo تhe faiتh of our ummah!
(and in the process, totally ruining their eyesight)

See how sinisterly close the letters
Tand X resemble the Christian cross?

Walski should stop here as this post is getting way too long and tiresome - but you get the general drift. When no discussion by unqualified persons is allowed, guidelines tend to become Islamic law, without referrendum or discussion - and they must be obeyed. By Muslims at large, at least. Imposition of laws without the people's input is no longer democracy. But the Mutant Mullahs' view is that their intrepetations (as scholars and experts of Islam) need not be subjected to such worldly acts of review and referrendum. No more parliament as we know it - any discussion of Law (read: Islamic law) shall only be done in closed quarters by 'qualified' scholars and experts.

So, the question Walski asks: would a theocratic state be democratic? And believe Walski when he says this - many out there simply yearn that Malaysia become a theocracy. Totalitarianism under the Mutant Mullahs' rule. What a fine dandy day that would be...