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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Houston... teh tarik satu!!!

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Does Andrew Sia know that he will be experimented on in space?

That was the first question that popped up in Walski's head when he read the following Reuters article yesterday (thanks to bloggers Shadowfox and Howsy for the heads-up).

Image hosting by PhotobucketHouston... Teh Tarik satu... kurang manis!!!

What makes Teh Tarik so special that it won't behave the same way any other liquid does in Zero Gravity? Now, Walsk's no rocket scientist, but definitely there must be other more worthy experiments for Malaysia's two pioneer astronauts to carry out, other than one that's been tried many times before. Granted, not on teh tarik.

Which brings into the picture other real zero gravity problems, if you think about it. First, can water be boiled in the zero gravity and vacuum of space (before it all gets evaporated)? Second, how the hell are you gonna get that condensed milk out of the can? Third, assuming problems one and two can be overcome, and our astronauts don't get scalded by boiling water in the process, how are you gonna keep the froth from floating away?

Image hosting by PhotobucketSomething we're not likely to see anytime soon...

In fact, Walski would be more interested to find out whether roti canai retains its elasticity in the absolute vacuum of space - now that would be a novel experiment, one that probably has never been tried before in the history of space travel.

Speaking of novel experiments, Walski's thought up of a few other experiments, uniquely Malaysian, that probably would be a lot more interesting than the teh tarik one...
(more vacuous zero gravity rantings in the full post)

1. Effects of Zero Gravity on Mat Rempits Cemerlangs
Would these street menaces still be as gemilang even in space? You, know, just in case the Moon gets colonized one day. Wide open spaces... just think of the amazing stunts they could try out there.

2. Can one actually make roti canai in space?
And how would you dip you pieces of roti in the curry or dhal/sambal? And what about tosai. One day, Malaysians just might be deep space travellers, and it's culinary mysteries such as these that would be important to unravel. Twirling the roti would probably send it into orbit (see pix above).

3. Effects of absolute vacuum on the brain of a Malaysian politician
Would they still be as conniving, crooked and manipulative as they would be on planet Malaysia? In space, no one can hear you bullsh*t...

4. In which direction, clockwise or counter-clockwise, would a Spin Doctor rotate?
Or would he or she simply spin out of control, direction being irrelevant... would Brendan or Guna still spin in orbit? And what would they gravitate to?

5. Experiments on how to fly the Jalur Gemilang in space
Information Minister (Zam) would be very interested to know, since nothing he says could persuade enough Malaysians to fly theirs here on Earth... (speaking of Zam: would RTM programs in space still be as crappy as they are on Earth?)

6. Coping without mobile phones in Zero Gravity
This, again, is just in case one day Space Travel really becomes fashionable. Malaysians simply can't cope without their mobile phones, which ring incessantly during meetings, in the cinemas, at funerals, anywhere and everywhere... and oh yeah - would those silly polyphonic ring-tones still sound as annoying in space as they do on Earth?

7. Can cosmic rays be used to cook satay?
Who needs charcoal when you have cosmic rays? Just stick those sticks of satay out the spacecraft, and Viola!! Instant satay... or charcoal. And how long would the satay take to cook? And how long would be too long? Dabbing the skewered meat with oil may be a problem, though.

8. Feasibility of sending Mahathir to space
Since certain quarters in UMNO seem to be so pissed-scared of Tun Dr. Mahathir attending the UMNO General Assembly, maybe having him speak from the desolation of space may once and for all allay their fears... (you know - in Space, no one can hear Mahathir. Period)

9. Compare the immenseness of space vs. the immenseness of the space between the ears of a Malaysian politician
Which one would be more immense? We all know the kind of wisdom these rascals tend to spew... (see this post [by KTemoc] for an example). Practical application of this experiment? None, really, just to satisfy Walski's curiousity, 'cause he thinks he already knows the answer.

10. Would Elegant Silence be more elegant in space? Or just more silent?
Once we have the answer, we could (as a follow up to #8 above), send both of 'em out to space to really slug it out...

Now, Walski's very sure that you readers can come up with plenty more... feel free to suggest some, for everybody's entertainment.

In the meantime, however, we're left to wonder what experiments the Malaysian government plans with the teh tarik, exactly. And be ready for a whole big sh*tload of hype in the days, weeks and months to come, as forewarned by The Malaysian...

Walski's post-script: Andrew Sia, for those of you who don't know writes a column for The Star, called Teh Tarik... and sometimes goes by the monicker pulltea (literal translation of Teh Tarik).