HENN: World Insulation the "A"-word Controversy Solution

Technorati tags: Humor, HENN, Religion, Islam, Malaysia, CONMAN

Malaysian Muslims to insulate themselves from the world 
myAsylum provides an exclusive report on the proposed final solution to the “Allah” controversy - reporting straight from Hell, and soon-to-be Hell-on-Earth, Malaysia. Another episode in the continuing series from the Hell-on-Earth News Network (HENN)

The recent controversy over the use of the “A”-word in Malaysia has highlighted just how fragile the faith and mind of the Malaysian Muslim community is. The fact remains that the unauthorized use of the “A”-word by non card-carrying Muslims will lead to the destruction of their faith.

But there’s no need to despair. Or think too much. The Coalition Of National Muslim Angry NGOs (CONMAN) has come out with a solution – totally insulate the Malaysian Muslim community from the world, a place deemed very dangerous to be in.

Abdul Ghabi Ahbal, head CONMAN coordinator, in an exclusive press statement provided to HENN, laid out the purpose and objective of this new faith-protection initiative.

Among the measures mooted included disallowing the unauthorized singing of state national anthems of Johor, Kedah, Pahang, Perak, Selangor, and Terengganu – all of which contain the “A”-word (via The Sensintrovert). How this would be enforced was not elaborated.

“Although many states have Syariah legislations prohibiting the unauthorized uttering of many exclusively Islamic words, like the “N” and “S”-words (via The Malaysian Insider), these are not easily enforceable since Syariah legislation has no jurisdiction over unauthorized persons,” said Abdul Ghabi in the statement.

So far, as a repercussion of the High Court allowing the Catholic publication, The Herald, to use the “A”-word in their Bahasa Malaysia edition, at least 8 Christian houses of worship had been fire-bombed, and one Sikh temple vandalized. Fortunately, due to the ineptitude of the fire-bombers (and the fact that gasoline still needs fire to ignite it), only one, The Metro Tabernacle Church in Kuala Lumpur, suffered significant damage. No claims of responsibility have been made thus far, and the government has assured the public that these isolated incidents will be investigated.

In the statement to HENN, Abdul Ghabi added that “a much more drastic program has to be put in place, in order that the fragile and easily confused minds of Malaysian Muslims are protected. Prohibiting others from using A**** in itself is insufficient, and more has to be done”.
(insulating Malaysian Muslims from the world, and more, in the full post)

The CONMAN statement clearly laid out the strategies required to protect the fragility of the Malaysian Muslims. Among them,

• Prohibit the use of non-Islamic publications that contain the "A"-word, such as dictionaries. Since much effort would be required to black-marker every occurrence of the word, prohibition would be a more practical approach. Since the prohibition of dictionaries would also make it difficult to go to school, Muslims are also encourage to ditch school.
• Prohibit the use of the Internet. The Internet, a bane of the modern age, has made the unauthorized use of prohibited words, like the “A”, “B”, “F”, “K”, “N” and “S”-words (among others) much less easy to police. Therefore, in order that the fragile faith of Muslims are protected, Muslims are encouraged to not use the Internet, and if possible, for the Malaysian Government to ban its use altogether.
• Don’t Sing Problematic State Anthems. While it is unfortunate that the various states, namely Johor, Kedah, Pahang, Perak, Selangor, and Terengganu, didn’t have the foresight to realize just how precarious to the Muslim faith it is to include the “A”-word in their anthems, a stop-gap measure would be to prohibit the singing of these anthems. Discussions with the Akademi Fantasia to re-write these anthems are underway, but until such efforts bear fruit, prohibition is again the best path.
• Restrict Unnecessary Media Access. Apart from the Internet, TV and Radio can also be sources of faith erosion. Therefore, Muslims are advised to restrict their viewing to RTM TV1, and to terminate their Astro subscriptions. Easy access to negative foreign news reporting can also be achieved. While these measures may produce short-term feelings of sensory depravation, the long-term benefits to faith protection is immense.
• Promote Ignorance. Western propaganda has made the Muslims in Malaysia averse to ignorance, which in fact provides for enhanced religious bliss. Thinking for one’s self is something dangerous and only leads to critical analysis, which is detrimental to the well-being of Muslims in this country. Thinking, should therefore be left to those with the necessary qualifications (and certification, in the case of Selangor).

While admitting that these measures were, at best, stop gap, the CONMAN statement stated that a long-term high-tech measure was being formulated by the coalition.

Although in it’s preliminary stages of conceptualization, the statement indicated that the initiative, named eTempurung, would ensure that Muslims in Malaysia would be neurally programmed to be compliant individuals, utilizing electronic RFID chip implants with pain-producing algorithms that would automatically be activated if any non-compliance were to be detected.

However, independent preliminary investigations by myAsylum’s intrepid squad of Cybernetic Remote Autonomous Pararaoches (CRAP) have indicated that the eTempurung program was facing difficulties due to lack of technical information availability, sourced primarily through the Internet, which CONMAN have now prohibited for themselves.

The CONMAN statement did not indicate any timeline for the implementation of the stop gap guidelines, but in the closing paragraph, Abdul Ghabi indicated that it would be soon.

“The ultimate aim of these measures, to be implemented very soon, A****-willing, is to ensure that Muslims in Malaysia are sufficiently insulated from any unauthorized and dangerous knowledge and stimuli from the world around them. We have fallen far behind the efforts of faith protection – the only way to succeed in this world and the next – and are confident that our initiatives will one day put Muslims in Malaysia at par with their brothers and sisters in Afghanistan, Yemem, and Somalia, in terms of the strength of religious faith.”

HENN will keep a close one-eye on these developments, and on the progress of these insulatory initiatives. 
(© 2010 - Hell-on-Earth News Network)