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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

HENN: Police action attributed to color disorder

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Black Makes Malaysian Police See Red 
myAsylum has uncovered the existence of a new class of color-related insanity, which is uniquely Malaysian - reporting straight from Hell, and soon-to-be Hell-on-Earth, Malaysia. Another episode in the continuing series from the Hell-on-Earth News Network (HENN)

An international police medical observer group today made a startling disclosure that perhaps explains why Malaysian police personnel have been overreacting to the color black lately.

A spokesperson for the Malaysian bureau of the Police Idiosyncrasy Gauge Group  of Yokohama (PIGGY), S. Nort, said that seeing the color black triggers a reaction similar as how the color red makes male bovines pissed off. PIGGY calls it the Red Bull Effect.

Speaking at a press conference early this morning, S. Nort pointed to last night’s incident in the Brickfields area of Malaysian capital Kuala Lumpur as anecdotal example of this phenomenon.

“They see people wearing black shirts, and they simply go apeshit,” S. Nort said. “Compounding the effect is candlelight. Kinda like how strobe lights induce seizures in epileptics.”

S. Nort added, “It’s fortunate that x-ray vision is not part of standard police issue. Otherwise, the sight of black underwear would simply drive them up the wall. The lacy kind, in particular”.

So far, PIGGY’s research has shown that such phenomena has only been observed in far flung, 3rd world shit-holes, such as Zimbabwe, Myanmar (Burma) and North Korea.  
(black is the new black, yellow, or any other offensive color, and more, in the full post)

Asked what were factors that contributed to such a phenomenon, PIGGY’s S. Nort said that there were many possible factors.

“Fear and loathing are two of the most common causes observed. In some cases, low average intelligence of the populace can be a big factor.”

It is not immediately known, however, whether or not these factors played a role in how the police behaved last night.

“Our observation indicates that there is a possibility. What is clear, however, is that the police in this case, exhibited an extraordinary level of moronic jerk-ness.”

Asked what were other symptoms of the Red Bull Effect, S. Nort stated that there were a few others.

“Delusions of grandeur is one of them, where police personnel effected have it in their heads that they were above the law. Itching to arrest anyone in sight for no apparent reason is another symptom,” he snorted said.

“Another uniquely odd symptom is the fondness for using hailers to speak to people even as close as five feet away. The delusions of grandeur is strangely coupled with a voice-volume inferiority complex.”

S. Nort advised that for the time being, the general public should avoid contact with the police when dressed in black or using candles, since any exposure of the police to the color black and candles might trigger similar psycho-idiotic behavior. Especially when the sun goes down and the moon is full.

But PIGGY’s S. Nort emphasized that last night’s incident was very mild in comparison to what they’ve observed in the past.

“The worst instance we have know of was when an All Blacks supporters party in Zimbabwe was gunned down, all because of what they were wearing, and because they were about to blow out candles on a birthday butter cake.”

HENN will keep a close watch on developments related to this strange, yet totally obnoxious, phenomenon.
(© 2009 - Hell-on-Earth News Network)