Fatwamania

Technorati tags: Humor, Religion, Islam, PAS, Fatwa, Fatwamania, Mutant Mullah

No, it's not the title of a new religious reality show on TV. It appears that we don't have quite enough fatwas (Islamic religious decrees/edicts) to micromanage our lives.

FaTwA and FTA only differ by two letters
(entire article, or download PDF)

The following is a partial translation of the Harakah news article, specifically the first 6 paragraphs that are of interest (emphasis by myAsylum).

FTA potential threat to belief [and] sovereignty of Islam

Simpang Empat (March 21) - The Free Trade Agreement (FTA) with the United States of America can not only be seen as a new form of economic colonization, but also as a colonization of faith and sovereignty of Islam.

"The FTA that is to be implemented between Malaysia and the US may see the entry of various elements. Besides goods, the US will also export their culture and way of life into this country that can threaten the citizens' morals and faith, particularly the Muslims', PAS Central Youth Assembly Exco member Ustaz Zolkharnain Abidin explained.

He said, a lot more aspects needed to be examined by the Government, like halal food, way of life, and culture that would be brought into this country, before signing the FTA.

He added, apart from the various elements that would be brought into this country, the FTA also could potentially threaten the country's soveriegnty, to the point that the contry's constitution could be changed if it was in conflict with the FTA.

Therefore, he asks that the religious authorities, particularly the muftis (State religious leaders) to issue a fatwa pertaining to the FTA, which can potentially threaten the Muslims' faith.

"This fatwa will become a guideline for the Government before the agreement is made," he said.

God-forbid that the FTA should bring in insidious American cultural elements such as hamburgers, denim jeans, American Idol, ...

FATWA alert! FATWA alert!
(Fatwamania continues, in the full post)

Pray tell, in which alternate reality do you live, Ustaz Zolkharnain? And can I have some of the groovy mind-altering, reality-bending substance you've obviously been taking?

Really, who's kidding whom here? Okay, to be fair, perhaps in that alternate reality he lives in (dimensional or drug-induced, take your pick), he's not had the misfortune to cross paths with satellite TV. Or maybe its because McDonald's hasn't developed inter-dimensional travel technology yet. Only fair to assume. After all, they're only adept at making hamburgers, and other equally nasty foods fast.

Why Walski even bothers to comment on nutcases such as this is definitely a mystery. Perhaps it's because Astro's sucked out any sense of entertainment value remaining from watching TV, with all the blank-bleep-cut tactics, which has gotten from unbearable to give-Walski-that-sledgehammer level of intelligence-insulting broadcasting. Better stop here before Walski goes on a complete tangent with this - we'll cover how Astro's totally making Walski's life annoying in another post (or check out this old one from last year).

In short, Walski's bored, perhaps. And this idiot was simply asking for it.

And doesn't it sound a little hypocritical when he raises alarm bells about the Malaysian Constitution being at risk, when that's precisely what PAS would probably do if it ever came into power? Alter the Constitution to make it more Syariah-friendly - probably the first thing they'd do is alter Article 11 to suit their own agenda.

The rest of the news report is more political rhetoric on why PAS can make us Malaysians better human beings, compared to BN's failure... ya-da, ya-da, ya-da.... same 'ol poli-rhetorical crap, in other words.

Granted, there are a number of serious considerations that the Malaysian Government needs to take into account as far as the FTA is concerned. And definitely some concessions that need to be made as a result to signing such an agreement. But a threat to belief and Islam? Only if one thinks that Muslims are such delicate, idiotic beings that need coddling all the time.

But seriously, if we need a fatwa for the FTA, surely there must be other mindbogglingly important fatwas that require issuing. Like,
۞ which would please God more, changing to new tires, or re-threads?
۞ a fatwa for the preferred color of undergarments, and the legality of thongs in the eyes of the Syariah
۞ an edict on what RON gasoline is permissible for Muslims to use
۞ a fatwa covering the Syariah-friendly way of exploiting the Mat Rempit culture for political gains, and who's allowed to do it, UMNO or PAS
۞ if your ass itches, and you are holding something in your left hand, is it okay to scratch with the right hand?
۞ a fatwa on hogging the fast lane when driving (this one Walski would really want)
۞ a fatwa on requiring fatwas concerning every little aspect of life
۞ insulting people's intelligence in the name of God. OK or not?

Yeah, let's fatwa ourselves to oblivion. Why even use your God-given intelligence, when there's a fatwa ready to be unleashed? (Incidentally, for a serious discussion on unnecessary fatwas, do give Mahaguru58's post a read)

PAS as a viable alternative to what we have today? Well, despite the warts and other imperfections of the current incumbents, Walski thinks not.

What we have today may be far from perfect, but it definitely doesn't stoop down to the inane, irrational level of basic-instinct ignorance exhibited by this one Ustaz Zolkharnain.

Fatwamania, baby, Fatwamania!