Webster's Online Dictionary: "A person who does something thoughtless or annoying"
The Devil's Dictionary: "A large bird whose flesh when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude. Incidentally, it is pretty good eating"
Walski: "A country caught between Europe and a hard place"
And it's also where the Pope plans to visit this Thursday. And some of the turkeys that live in Turkey aren't entirely thrilled (as reported by the BBC).
Three months after the offending speech, and a couple of apologies from the Pontiff, and these turkeys are still pissed off. CNN has been showing their report in their repetitive repetitive style. This is Pope Benedict XVI's first ever visit to a Muslim country. And so soon after Thanksgiving, too.
Turkey meat happens to be one of Walski's favorite foods. A versatile meat product, turkey can be a substitute for most other meats - and tastes just like chicken. In fact, a turkey could probably be classified as an overgrown chicken with attitude.
However, turkey lovers beware! The turkeys at Jakim have warned that imported turkeys purchased around Christmas this year, in Malaysia, will not be halal.
Regardless of where they're imported from. Even if they're from Turkey, probably. And what about stocks that were imported before November 19, that were Halal imports - would they too magically become non-Halal? What a bunch of turkeys.
But then again, who needs imported turkeys when Malaysia's almost overrun with 'em. The recent UMNO General Assembly, and the turkeys at the Persatuan Pengguna Islam Malaysia (or PPIM, aka The Biscuit Police, or Cross Turkeys - take you pick), are proof enough for Walski.
And Persatuan Pengguna Islam Malaysia, literally translated into English is the Malaysian Islam Users Association - [insert your own druggie joke here]
(more gobble gobble in the full post)
But back to Turkey. The nation is facing yet another obstacle in joining the EU - again as reported by the BBC - this time stemming from their ongoing feud with Cyprus. Cyprus, one island, two governments. And lots of turkeys. And of course, the protesting turkeys back in Turkey aren't helping Turkey's bid in joining the EU.
For Turkey, at this juncture, the EU remains a moving target. For the EU, Turkey looks like a sitting duck, having now another reason to slow down the ascencion discussions to a grinding halt. How fowl.
But really, why can't the Felicity Party - the political body responsible for organizing the anti-Pope rally - let bygones be Byzantium bygones? What more do they want Pope Benedict XVI to do?
"Speaking in the Vatican on Sunday, Benedict said he wanted the visit to show his "esteem and sincere friendship" for Turkey and its people.
A visit to Istanbul's famous Blue Mosque was added to the Pope's itinerary at the last minute, a move seen as an attempt at further reconciliation with the Muslim world."
If it were up to Walski, he'd just politely ask these bunch of turkeys to get stuffed. Which is probably why Walski would make a lousy politician.
But of course, the Felicity Party doesn't speak on behalf of all Turk(ey)s. In fact, like PAS in Malaysia, they're but a miniscule voice in the Turkish political landscape. But as is often the case, it's always the minority that gobbles the loudest. And having CNN showing clips of their protest rally over, and over, and over, does give the impression that the entire population is against the visit.
Which is why Turkey is caught between Europe and a hard place.
And come Christmas and New Year, Malaysia too will be a very hard place - if you happen to like Halal turkey.
But why this year? Who knows.... Maybe it's a conspiracy to prohibit Christmas and New Year open houses, which may cause Muslims to be at risk of unity. It could happen. The Fatwa method didn't work. The SMS method was a dismal failure (especially for one poor turkey and her husband, who are now out on bail, incidentally). So, maybe makng turkeys non-Halal this festive season would be more effective.
This is, after all, Malaysia - where men are men, the muftis nervous, and where the turkeys are chicken. Stuffed, with attitude.