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Saturday, April 01, 2006

Cowspiracy: A Disturbing Revelation of COsMIC Proportions

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They are watching us.

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Don't let their innocent eyes and friendly demeanor fool you. These are ingenius detractors preventing us from discovering their true nature. They wait patiently for a time when human kind will no longer be the owners of their own destiny. A time when bovinedom shall reign supreme.

Never drop your guard. As a public service to the survival of mankind, myAsylum is here to warn of an incidious conspiracy; a cowspiracy of galactic proportions.

In a previous post, myAsylum revealed the phenomenon of cowabduction, and not long before that, due to pressures from global crude oil prices, Malaysians protested against the 30 sen increase in fuel prices (several posts on this topic). Strangely enough, myAsylum also highlighted that maybe cows ran on gasoline, due to the rise in the price of fresh milk, in tandem with the fuel price hike.

Little did myAsylum realize that there is more of a connection to all of these events than meets the eye. A lot more. But first, a quick backgrounder on these entities we call "cows".

Cows are ubiquitous. Cows exist in the vocabulary of at least 539 different languages on planet Earth. They exists in almost every known culture. Man and cow have had a seemingly symbiotic relationship since the dawn of history, as evidenced by this ancient cave painting.

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At times, however, the two species have known to be at odds with one another. Take this historic battle between man and bovine (in the full post).

In this case, fortunately, Man 1 - Cow 0. But do not for one minute think that our species is superior. Take this very disturbing historical annecdote, for example. (If you can't wait for it to load, click here to open it in a new window)

But what is the connection that makes all this a conspiracy? Consider the following facts, then ask yourself - Coincidence? Or conspiracy?

FACT #1: Cows are living methane gas generators, a by-product of their digestive system. I've never actually seen someone light a cow fart up, but the methane-bovine connection is an established and well-known scientific fact.

FACT #2: As we now get closer to the Summer months in the northern hemisphere, occassionally hot-spots will start appearing in various parts of Indonesia, usually attributed to large terrain fires. These fires manifest themselves as the dreaded haze phenomenon here in Malaysia. We've been putting the blame on unscrupulous slash-and-burn practices of our neighbors. But wait - this just in: could the following image be just a simple coincidence? myAsylum's global spy-cam network caught this action somewhere in Sumatera, not too long ago. And no - it was not Photoshop'd.

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The evil look in their eyes say it all.

Open burning on a large scale causes haze. Haze in turn clogs up the environment, making us flee into enclosed air-conditioned spaces. Air-conditioning uses electricity, which is primarily generated by hydrocarbon-based fuel... The connection is frightening. Cows are making us consume more fuel!

Fact#3: The world's fuel demand is on the rise, and this is further compounded with Dubya making sure the prices stay high for as long as they can (Iraq, and maybe Iran to come?). Cows causing global warming through arson or fugitive methane emissions don't help - warmer climate, more air-conditioning, more... you get the picture. And so, indirectly, cows are also contributing to more wars-for-oil. Another disturbing nexus. And consider another, more disturbing, connection: Dubya's daddy - Bush senior - was born in the Chinese year of the Rat. And who's the Rat's best friend? The Ox Cow. Coincidence? We don't think so. And the Bushes hail from Texas, home of the COWboys. Another coincidence? Again, we don't think so.

Fact#4: Cows are now believed to be responsible for the destruction of another planet in our solar system - Mars. Once their work on the Red Planet was done, they then came to this planet, the 3rd Rock from the Sun, to continue with their Methane mission.

AND NOW THE CHILLING CONNECTION REVEALED: Cows were put on this planet by Methane-breathing alien beings millions of years ago, at the end of the dinosaur era, and in fact, contributed to the sudden, cataclysmic disappearance of them thunder lizards. These aliens milk the methane from the cows through the frequent, so-called cow abductions that we now know are so rampant, to supplement the methane in the atmosphere of Mars. A virtual Methane pipeline, so to speak, since cows don't exactly like a Methane-rich atmosphere on the Red Planet (not to mention they ate up all the grass there previously).

The aliens did keep one dinosaur alive, to act as their agent on Earth. His role: to control the minds of the citizens of Earth, to blind us from discovering this wretched conspiracy that will one day obliterate the planet. Behold the face of evil, the face behind this cowspiracy.

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myAsylum may be in danger of being shut down for this expose. Many sites have tried to expose the evils of Barney, and what he truly represents. Some of the cowspiracy exposers were never heard from again.

Until the day comes that Barney and his agents provocateur, the cows, finally catch up with me, myAsylum will continue with the struggle of exposing these creatures for what they really are: planet destroyers on the Barney payroll.

Have a great April 1st, 2006.