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Monday, October 08, 2007

Samy Speedo

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If you came across this post via the title, you may have thought that it is about Samy Vellu being spotted wearing nothing but a Speedo™. Well, sorry to disappoint you. That imagery is something even Walski is afraid to contemplate.

Nay... fortunately, it's something a lot less disgusting. Last Monday, October 1st, The Star carried this report about Samy threatening to ban motorbikes from using the expressways.

Image hosting by PhotobucketBan 'em, Samy sez...
(click on the image, or here, to read the full report)

Now, if you read the article, focus on the second paragraph (emphasis by myAsylum):

Its minister Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu issued the warning Monday after witnessing superbikes travelling on the North-South Expressway at 170kph.

Now, the question here is this: How could Samy have known how fast, and be so darn precise?
(the Samy Speedo theories, in the full post)

It's a well-known fact that Malaysian politicians have this "all-or-nothing" disease... and in many more advanced countries (where their policy-makers actually can think), only motorbikes above a certain engine capacity are allowed onto the highways. In the US, for example, only motorbikes with engines larger than 400 cc are allowed on the interstate highways. If Walski remembers correctly, that is.

So, back to the question of how Samy could've known the bikes he witnessed were travelling at 170 kph. Walski has a few theories... The Samy Speedo Theories.

Samy Speedo Theory #1: Faster than a speeding Samy
So the theory goes that Samy was cruising along the expressway, at say 150 kph, and the bikers whizzed past him. Unhappy that his 4 wheels were pwned by 2 wheels... well, you know the rest. And the all-or-nothing disease kicks in...

Samy Speedo Theory #2: Radar Toupe Blip-Blip
If true, this theory would make Donald Trump one jealous guy...

Image hosting by PhotobucketSamy Trumps Donald... radar screen not included

The theory here is that Samy's hairpiece/hairweave/toupe actually doubles as a radar-based speed sensing device, allowing him to detect accurately the speed of moving objects around him. Better than spidey senses, Walski tells ya...

Samy Speedo Theory #3: Blowhards will be Blowhards
Of course, the third, and probably most plausible theory, is that good 'ol Samy simply pulled the 170 kph figure out of thin air. Drama Queen of Blowhards that he is, what better way to back up a threat than with data he made up?

Ah.. Samy, Samy, Samy... what will we do one day when you finally bow out of the limelight. You who have entertained us so much in our naton's darkest hours... And so, to end this post, Walski dedicates this song to you, from the evil ambassadors of fun, the one, the only Panda Head Curry?...