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Sunday, September 30, 2007

HENN: Muslim scientists to reinvent the Wheel

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Wheel to be reinvented - current version not Islamic enough
myAsylum reports on this new controversy, in this exclusive expose, straight from Hell, and soon-to-be Hell-on-Earth, Malaysia. Another episode in the continuing series from the Hell-on-Earth News Network (HENN)

Hot on the heels of the formtion of an Islamic trade union in Malaysia (as reported by Malaysiakini - subscription required), secret communiques have been intercepted by myAsylum's intrepid squad of Cybernetic Remote Autonomous Pararoaches (CRAP), which hints at a bold move by Muslim scientists to reinvent the wheel. Literally.

"The current design of the wheel is not Islamic enough", claimed the communiqué, allegedly transmitted by an unidentified sender, from the Muslim Institue for Scientific Foolishness and Incompatible Technologies (MISFIT). "The design comes from pre-Islamic times, and is totally unacceptable in our quest to glorify Islam".

Image hosting by PhotobucketBecause the design is believed to be Sumerian originally, it is deemed un-Islamic
(click here for original image source)

"We are duty-bound to emulate the great Caliph Umar, who gave our great religion a new calendar, that is in harmony with the moon cycles and nothing else".

As to how the Islamic wheel might look like, the communiqué gives some vague hints.
(secret prototypes, and more, in the full post)

Image hosting by PhotobucketIncluded in the communiqué were two diagrams, which appear to be proposed prototypes of the new Islamic wheel. Clearly, this move is not something that happened overnight, but something that had been planned - maybe even meticulously - for a very long time.

"Just as the calendar is now the definitve timekeeping device of Muslims around the world, the new wheel, God-willing, shall be the new standard. It may not be aerodynamic or ergonomic as the current design, but at least it will belong exclusively to the Muslim ummah," the communiqué continued.

As to the acceptance of the new design, the communiqué has also made a projection: "Sure, perhaps the new designs will not provide a comfortable ride, and will probably be somewhat bumpy, but the ummah will get used to this. After all, a little discomfort is a small price to pay for the bigger glory."

Image hosting by Photobucket"Just as one would probably have to pay more with Islamic loans, but in the long run, everyone knows that thier souls are more important. Similarly, with the new Islamic wheel, the ummah can rest assured that their souls will not be maligned as they now probably are with the non-Islamic round version."

It is not immediately known to whom the communiqué was addressed, nor if the prototype designs have been subjected to alpha or beta testing.

The repercussions of this development is huge. Many vehicles operating in Islamic countries, if this idea catches on, would need to have their wheels retrofitted, to make the vehicles more Islamic in nature.

Hell on Earth News Network (HENN) will be keeping close tabs on this story, with the support from myAsylum's CRAP.
(© 2007 - Hell-on-Earth News Network)

Borrowed idea credit note: The inspiration for this satirical news report came from something in Syed Akbar Ali's book, Malaysia and the Club of Doom, and what seems to be the trend of wanting to make everything around us "more Islamic".