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Thursday, July 20, 2006

Mob Rule 101 Curriculum Outline

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Not one week after the Ethnic Relations course textbook fiasco at UPM (Universiti Putra Malaysia, formerly known as Universiti Pertanian Malaysia), the same university has once again become the center of a new controversy.

Walski supposes by now most of the bloggerhood has heard about the latest disgraceful, apparently racially motivated incident, which happened at UPM earlier this week. If you haven't, background information on it can be found in several places, among them:
Lim Kit Siang's blog
The Malaysian
Jee's Life

There's even a YouTube posting on the incident, which we've included below, to get you up to speed with what happened. This is a video of the actual incident, by the way.

Is it really a surprise that the perpetrators, apparently linked to the UPM Student Council, acted in a totally undignified manner, pushing around the smaller group of Chinese students? Not to Walski. You see, they've got lots of great role models in society that display a similar arrogance, beligerance and in extreme cases resort to the same kind of violent behavior (BADAI, rowdy Members of Parliament, the FRU, etc.).

In fact, Walski thinks that Mob Rule is becoming rather trendy these days, replacing civilized dialog and intelligent discourse, as the means of getting your views across. Want to get your point understood and accepted? Organize a mob. Screw civility and mutual respect.

Well, if that's the case, we may as well prepare the next (de)generation of professionals with the proper way of conducting themselves through mob action. myAsylum presents to you what could possibly constitute the new Mob Rule 101 Curriculum, coming to a backwater university near you (starting with UPM).

Mob Rule 101 (credit hours: 3, Social Studies - compulsory elective)
(curriculum outline and more in the full post)

Mob rule is fast becoming the de facto method of getting your voice heard or of getting something done, without the hassles of due procedure or of lawful process. During the duration of this course this semester, you will learn a rules of thumb and engagement techniques to successfully organize and execute a mob attack.

Mob Rule 101 Pre-requisites
Must be close-minded, have a conservative outlook, and must possess a maximum IQ of 89.

Course Content
The course shall last the duration of one semester and shall account for three (3) credit hours. Grading will be based on periodic written assignments, a mid-term, a final, and one practical project. The following topical areas shall be covered:

The Philosophy of Mob Rule - in this module, you will learn why mob rule is an important facet of everyday life, superceding the liberal methods of discussion, civil debate and intelligent discourse. During the duration of the semester, logical reasoning shall be frowned upon, and may result in you not getting full credit.

Picking a Cause - in this module, you will learn how to pick a good cause. Racist and religious reasons always make good and popular mob action causes.

Selecting your mob - in this module, you will learn to identify some of the characteristics necessary in selecting the right kind of individuals. This is a crucial step to ensuring that your mob action will be a successful one. Most successful mobs consist of a single racial grouping, particularly if your cause is racist in nature.

Building Fervor - in this module, you will learn effective brainwashing techniques to rile up the mob you have chosen to fight your cause. Lying, distortion of the truth, misrepresentation and deceit are only a few of the effective methods you will learn. For religious causes, threatening your mob with an eternity in Hell if they don't perform well usually gets your mob pretty riled up.

Lobbying and Influencing the Authorities - in order that your mob event is successful, you will need to learn the art of lobbying and how to convincingly sway the authorities. The purpose of having this skill is to of course coerce the Authorities to be on your side, no matter how rabid your cause may be.

Mid-Term, Final and Course Practical
All tests shall be written tests, with the exception of the Shouting-and-Screaming oral test, which will be conducted sometime after the Mid-Term exam. The Course Practical shall consist of applying all the techniques learned, and organizing a mob event. Extra credit shall be given if the Course Practical is an actual mob intimidation session, preferably within campus.

Course Textbook and Suggested Reading
The required textbook for this course is "Mob Rule: Getting Things Done" by Ima Biggot, U. Press (2006). Other suggested texts that may be useful for this course include Mein Kampf by A. Hitler, and The Doctrine of Fascism by B. Mussolini.

Footnote: Walski knows that this is really no laughing matter, but sometimes it's necessary to exaggerate something to the point of being ridiculous. This is done for two reasons. One - we need to learn to chill out and laugh at ourselves. And two - exaggeration is the best means of learning how silly we can be sometimes. Walski apologizes in advance if this post is deemed insensitive to ome...