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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

My crumbly nightmare

I don’t know if it was indegestion the night before, or what, but last night I had the strangest dream. Was it a premonition of things to come? Or just my brain trying to sort out the tumultuos year it has been so far (and we’re just half-way through February). Who knows? But for sure, it was strange.

Image stolen from here

I was lost, somewhere in another dimension, it seems. The ground, a mixture of fine desert, broken igneous rocks, and snow. Nearby, a bubbling stream ran criss-cross through this strange un-Earthlike tundra. Walking closer, I noticed that the stream was cloudy white.

I walked to the edge of it, bent down, and scooped some of the murky liquid to quench my thirst. I don’t know how long exactly I had been in this sandy-rocky-snowy terrain. The last thing I remember before getting here was being entertained in a red chamber, sitting on a red leather couch, by 6 buxom hermaphrodites (but that’s another story for another time)

As the murky liquid hit my tongue, my tastebuds whispered to me: milk, vanilla-flavored milk. Hmmm… I took another handfull, eager to quench my thirst.

As I crouched beside the vanilla milk stream, the sound of nothingness filled the barren surroundings. A mild breeze brought a waft of buttery sweet smells; not overwhelming, but subtle.

All of a sudden, the sky started turning pink – a rosy, flourescent sky, fully illuminated with no obvious light source. Moments later, thick dark, blueish grey clouds rolled in. With it, came a rumbling, reminiscent of thunder, but somehow more rythmic.

The rumbling became louder. It seemed to eminate from behind me. I turned, only to see two hillocks in the distance, both peaks separated by the sand, stone and icy snow, mixed on a flat plain; probably about a mile of it.

Funny, I thought; didn’t notice those hills before this. At that instant, I saw the dark clouds split, each portion moving slowly towards the two hillocks, uncovering the pink flourescent sky.

I don’t know how long I stood there, gaping at this phenomenon so unnatural, it had to have come from the Gieger and Dali books I had browsed through not too long ago in our own dimension, while awake.

The rumbling grew, slowly at first from both sides, building to a crescendo that was deafening, causing hurt to my eardrums. Then… silence.

Pure, 100% silence. A silence, that was deafening in its own right.

The cloud cover, at this point, broke and dissipated into nothingness. In its place, I could see… what were those things? On each hillock?

On the left hillock, I could see an army of oblong, brown… things, for lack of a better description. With curled and wrinkled skin, some clad in armor, some with appendeges that looked like spears.

Wait a minute… I tried to run closer to have a better look, eager to identify these strange objects. The brown wrinkly oblong army grew, filling up whatever space the left hillock had to offer.

My steps took me to a point almost mid-way between the two hillocks, on the sandy-rocky-snowy plain. I walked towards the left hillock – only to notice that the brown, wrinkly armor clad things were charging my way.

Alarmed, I turned towards the right hillock, hoping to seek refuge from the marauding army of brown wrinkly things. Not two steps towards my refuge, I stopped dead in my tracks.

On the right, hillock, without my realizing it, had gathered another army, also clad in tin-colored armor. These, were more roundish, almost like biscuits… wait a minute…

I must have gaped in horror, the buttery smell in the air getting stronger… the realization hit my senses, like a container truck slamming into a brick wall - these were butter cookies! Human sized, armor plated, spear weilding butter cookies!! In a flash, they too had charged in my direction, the distance seemed like nothing to these marauding calorie laden fiends.

I had nowhere to run. As I turned back, again towards the left hillock, the brown wrinkly things, too, had advanced from their initial position, ever eager to wage battle.

It was then that I realized, finally, that these brown wrinkly things were dates – ferrocious armor-clad spear weilding dates!! A mix of the Iraqi, Iranian, Mediterranean, and Eqyptian ones – in all imaginable shades of wrinkly brown.

An army of Dates fighting to the death with an army of Butter Cookies!

It was indeed a fiercely fought battle, sugar crystals, crumbs and torn date flesh littered the plain. They fought around me, all around me – but somehow, they were totally oblivious to my presence. As if a cloak of invisibility covered my being there.

The picture of pillage, death, depulpitation, crushing… arrgh… too horrific to describe.

I cannot tell how long the battle lasted – the cacophony of battle cries in all imaginable cullinary languages was deafening; to even say it was deafening would be a gross understatement.

Then, the sounds were turned off, almost, only to be replaced by a thud, followed by a rumble that shook the ground I was standing on. I turned, to come face to face with a gigantic, butt-ugly, smelly… black goat!!

The giant goat, like an AT-AT in Star Wars, crushed its way through the armies of dates and butter cookies, both intact and those in pieces. The gigantic black goat was crushing both armies, and eating through what remained, like some ecological cleaning, eating machine.

I let out a gasp… it must have been loud, for all of a sudden this gigantic goat beast looked my way. It saw me… it saw me… my brain screamed. Run! Run!

And run I did, through the pillage of wasted dates and broken cookies, the gigantic black beast hot on my heels. But no matter how hard I ran, it gained on me, the air starting to get rich with the goatly stench of black doom.

The worst thing that could have happened, happened. I tripped. My legs entagled among the dead date flesh and the buttery stench of crushed cookies.

I immediately tried to get up, hoping to escape my doom. I looked up only to see the bottom of a brown, stinking, goat hoof, that quickly slammed on me…

It was at this point that I woke up. It was almost dawn. For a moment, I thought I could still smell the death and plunder, and almost feel the buttery doom, mixed with the flesh of what were once dates.

Cold sweat… I was drenched in cold sweat! I stumbled out of bed and stood in my bedroom, rubbing my eyes. When I finally opened them, to my relief I was back in this dimension, standing in my own bedroom.

So what did it all mean? Can you tell? Can you help me decipher the coded dream my psyche decidedly unleashed on my slumbering self?

Oddly enough, once I was awak, I felt a little peckish…