Clean vs. UnClean 2.0: What's the big fuss?

Technorati tags: Humor, Bersih 2.0, Anti-Bersih 2.0, Unreasonable Logic

About a week ago, Walski posted Kee Thuan Chye’s analysis (via Amplify) about why the dude thinks Perkasa is so dead set against the Bersih 2.0 rally on July 9, 2011. If you haven’t read Thuan Chye’s article, go ahead and do so. Kee’s a much better writer than Walski could ever dream to be, so yeah, it’s definitely worth a read.

In any case, opposition to the rally is, by now, well known. And in the case of Perkasa and Ibrahim Ali’s opposition to Bersih 2.0, legendary. Ibrahim Ali’s claim of being misquoted (via The Malaysian Insider) even more so.

Latest development: a death threat received by Ambiga Sreenevasan (via Free Malaysia Today), Bersih 2.0 chairperson. And in case you’re one of those who believe that the death threats received by any individual against the status quo are made up for the sake of sympathy, the same text message was received by members of the press as well.

The text message, written in Bahasa SMS-alaysia, apart from the death-threat bit, essentially echoes what’s been said by various people opposed to Bersih 2.0 – if our elections weren’t already fair and clean, how could BN have lost Kedah, Kelantan, Penang, Perak (for a short while), and Selangor?

Fair question, to be honest. Walski’s response to that is the fact that the problems we have with our electoral system aren’t endemic to the point of being bogus. But there are problems with it for sure, and loopholes that can, and have in the past, been exploited. To Walski, Bersih 2.0 is not about who won or lost previous elections, but with the process itself.

But that point, it seems is lost on many who see Bersih 2.0 as being nothing more than an opposition ruse. Why? Because there are opposition politicians associated with it.

And such simplistic and simple-minded reasoning is the theme for this post.

Assume for a moment that Walski is very simple-minded and employs the same kind of Simple Simon logic – what is it that the anti-Bersih 2.0 folks are so anti about?
(Walski temporarily bins his reason and logic, and more, in the full post)

So, for the remainder of this post, Walski will argue employing the same kind of retarded reasoning he’s been seeing lately. And the basis of this dumbass and unreasonable analysis will be the 8 demands of Bersih 2.0.

[DUMBASS_MODE = ON]

Demand #1: Clean the electoral roll
The folks who are anti-Bersih 2.0 want to ensure that the electoral rolls aren’t accurate, and preferably, filled with the names and IC number of dead people. People die all the time – what’s the big deal if their legacy remains on the rolls? Plus, this makes easier the process of conjuring phantom voters. Having a clean electoral roll is problematic, because cheating becomes more difficult. And difficult is bad.

Demand #2: Reform postal ballot
The folks who are anti-Bersih 2.0 want to ensure that postal balloting remains the last-ditch Hail Mary touchdown pass at times when the count doesn’t look good for the incumbent BN (or Ibrahim Ali friendly) candidate. The postal ballot has been the seat-saver in many occasions, and should never be done away with. Or even reformed. Reform makes cheating more difficult. And difficult no good lah.

Demand #3: Use of indelible ink
The anti-Bersih 2.0 see this as wanting Malaysia to be in the ranks of 3rd world countries that employ this method of voter duplication avoidance. Nevermind  that in many ways Malaysia is 3rd world-like (simple example: our public toilets), because that is entirely beside the point. We are modern and therefore must employ modern methods like biometric fingerprint scanning. [DUMBASS_MODE = OFF] The use of fingerprint scanning is actually not a bad idea. Provided that known problems with the MyKad are solved. Our NRID card may be secure for the most part, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be tampered with. [DUMBASS_MODE = ON]

Demand #4: Minimum 21 days campaign period
Longer campaign periods are problematic for the anti-Bersih 2.0 regiment, as it only means more access to the voters by the opposition. And that’s not a good thing, especially in BN fortress locations, like FELDA settlements. FELDA votes belong to BN, the way it’s always been, and the way it should stay, happily ever after. These precious vote sources must never be tainted by the lies of the opposition.

Demand #5: Free and fair access to media
The mainstream print and ESPECIALLY electronic media are the exclusive play things of the government. God-forbid that these are accessible to the opposition. Or so the anti-Bersih 2.0 legion opines. Nevermind that in more civilized parts of planet Earth, the media is more independent and provides equal access. Malaysia is less civilized, and that’s the way it should stay. Bolehland Democracy translates to the ability to vote every 4 or 5 years. Period. The last thing the anti-Bersih 2.0 crew want is for true democracy to taint our beloved fascist way of life.

Demand #6: Strengthen public institutions
The anti-Bersih 2.0 mob see institutions like the Election Commission (EC), MACC, PDRM, the Judiciary, etc. to be part of the government machinery. And since the government is BN, these institutions must be subservient to the greater cause of keeping BN in power for perpetuity. Any claims that these should be independently allowed to operate is immediately seen by the anti-Bersih 2.0 peeps as an insult to the Malays and Islam. Yes, there is a deeper logic that enables this association. Ask #YoRais to explain sometime, if you’re curious how it works.

Demand #7: Stop corruption
The anti-Bersih 2.0 mob view corruption as our sacred way of life. And to facilitate this belief, they call it by other more benign names. Like charity, appreciation, and government project announcements during polls (what better time to do it, right?). Again, any affront to our sacred way of corruption life is a bad thing. It just makes life difficult, and forces us to work for our rewards, like other honest human beings elsewhere. Perish the thought! Oh, and it’s also an insult to the Malays and Islam to push for the eradication of corruption. Yes, again, ask #YoRais why this is so.

Demand #8: Stop dirty politics
The anti-Bersih 2.0 cabal love dirty politics. Simply put, mudslinging and sex scandals make their day. Life for them would be boring without dirty politics. The opposition must be shown to be traitors to race and country. Especially race – country is always secondary to these folks. So any call to stop dirty politics is a big no-no. It’s just unthinkable.

So there you have it – the anti-Bersih 2.0 posse simply cannot, and will not, stand for anything that makes society more equitable, and ensures that citizenship means the same thing for everyone. Voting cannot be any more fair, as it would disrupt the balance of society as we know it. Therefore for this horde, any support for Bersih 2.0 is an insult, worthy of counter-rallies, and violent-intentioned short text messages. That’s just the way things are, and forever shall they remain.

[DUMBASS_MODE = OFF]

The normal, reasonable, and somewhat-intelligent Walski discourse resumes from here on forth...