HENN: Malaysia's High-Level Exile Package
Technorati tags: Humor, Satire, Deposed Dictators, Robert Mugabe, DD2H
Malaysia to secretly unveil the Deposed Dictator's Second Home Program
myAsylum reports on this new high-brow tourism program, in this exclusive expose, straight from Hell, and soon-to-be Hell-on-Earth, Malaysia. Another episode in the continuing series from the Hell-on-Earth News Network (HENN)
Are you a dictator and have been recently deposed? Or feel you are going to be at any moment? Have you run out of options as to where to escape? If you answered YES to any of these questions, Malaysia may just be the ideal location for your impending exile!
Put on high alert after former Prime Minister Tun Dr. Mahathir Mohamad urged the Malaysian government to grant his buddy Robert Mugabe a new home (via Malaysiakini - subscription required, you cheapskates), if he's hard pressed for one, Hell-on-Earth-News-Network (HENN) stumbled across documentary non-evidence that his accidental disclosure could actually be the tip of a melting iceberg (global warming and all).
In seemingly unrelated (but actually intertwined) news, Minister of Tourism, Datuk Seri Azalina Othman Said, said that Tourism memorandums of understanding with Opposition-ruled state governments will be terminated given the change in leadership (via The Star). HENN has learned that the decision to terminate the MoU's is actually linked to the Deposed Dictators Second Home (DD2H) scheme.
How are the cancelled MoU's and DD2H related? The connection is both mind-boggling and ridiculous... clandetine stuff normally only heard of in pulp fiction spy novels.
(BN revenge tactic via DD2H, and how, in the full post)
In short, it's an elaborate plan hatched by BN to take revenge on the 4 opposition states, lost during the recent General Election, plus 1 already-write off state.
To understand the connection, HENN first reveals the criteria for acceptance into the DD2H scheme. As our investigative reporters, once again exhumed for this assignment, Ben Dover and Thakit Likaman, have discovered 4 criteria must be met:
- Ex-dictator must preferably have been deposed via democratic means
- The candidate must have secret funds stashed away, which then must be deposited with a yet-to-be-named quasi-semi-government agency
- The deposed despot must have a small militia at his/her disposal - death-squad types are a bonus.
- Must have a former high-ranking Malaysian government person as a sponsor - good buddy ex-prime ministers are also acceptable
The secret plan is to house the deposed dictator in one of the 5 opposition held states, where the cancelled MoU's are replaced with a generous "tourism" grant (utilizing a portion of the secret stashed funds deposited), which the Federal government "awards" to the successful opposition state. The "official" reason for the grant would be for a ceremony to honor a town in the state, with one in the ex-dictators home country. Like Alor Setar and Kutama, Zimbabwe being declared twin cities, for instance. Or creating a new township for the deposed dictator, calling it Kutama Jaya, or something similar.
In fact, as HENN has learned, Kedah would be the perfect prototype - and not just because it's Dr. M's home state, either.
In yet another piece of seemingly unrelated news, 30,000 members of the various village development and security committees (JKKK) in Kedah have resigned en bloc (indirectly via NST - free, but NaSTy as Pee). It has also been reported that these 30,000 have been re-appointed as "special" JKKK members under the purview of the Rural and Regional Development Ministry - that's right, Mat Tyson's special squad in Kedah.
The militia of the deposed dictator would then be placed under the care of these Special K agents. The purpose of the militia? To become a public menace, increasing the crime rate in those states, so that the blame can be put on the opposition state governments, for causing crime to grow rampant. The best part about this plan is that not only will funding for the crime increase come from the deposed dictator (via a portion of the secret stash), Malaysian taxpayers will actually pay for the crime milita's supervisors (via Aisehman), the Special K squad.
And what about the 4th criteria - the sponsor? HENN discovers that this criteria is an escape clause - that if the situation with the militia crime squad gets out of hand, blame can not only be put on the deposed dictator later on, but also on the sponsor.
And the first criteria? An excellent opportunity for the Malaysian government to tell the people that democracy ain't all that great after all... that democracy leads to an increase in crime.
In short, therefore, it has become clear to HENN that the Deposed Dictator Second Home (DD2H) program is actually a specially designed revenge plot by the BN, to claim back the opposition states in the next elections, due in 2012 or 2013.
Meanwhile, the Malaysian government has been keeping mum on whether or not Bob Mugabe would be offered a new home, should he need to go into exile. DD2H, is of course, a secret scheme, and therefore any secrecy surrounding Mugabe is to be expected.
HENN will keep a close one eye on this, and will report on any developments, should and if they occur. Even if they occur in secrecy.
(© 2008 - Hell-on-Earth News Network)
HENN's calling all pollsters footnote: In conjuction with this HENN report, myAsylum has started a new poll (see sidebar) - should Malaysia admit Robert Mugabe, if the Zimbabwe dictator gets deposed and needs a place to call his second home... This post is entirely out of the twisted imagination of HENN and its primary authors,
