The Unwashing Machine

Technorati tags: Humor, Parody, News, Unwashing Machine, Home Appliances

No, no one's invented it - yet.

Another innovative product from CRAPtech
(a subsidiary of myAsylum Holdings, Inc.)

So, what on earth is an Unwashing Machine, you ask? You would think, logically, that it's something similar to a regular washing machine, except that you start with clean clothes, and at the end of the "unwash" cycle of choice, your clothes come out soiled.

You then would be wondering whom in their right mind would even want such a contraption. Reasonable question. And you would be right - no one would want one. Not for clothes, anyway. So exactly what use would an Unwashing Machine have?
(unwashing and unspinning with the Unwashing Machine, in the full post)

Truth be told, the idea for the Unwashing Machine did come from when Walski was doing the laundry one day... but that's as clothes as it gets (okay, okay, bad pun).What he really had in mind was a contraption which could unspin and unwash the propoganda that passes off as news these days.

In other words, a machine that automatically interprets the hidden truth, and helps your read between the lines.

For example, take this news article that appear in The Star today:

One really paranoid individual...

Subjected through the SOIL-o-matic 3000™, what would come out would instead probably look something like this:

... and what that one really paranoid individual is really saying

What really strikes Walski as odd is that The Bar Council has been doing this for the past couple of years, as part of the International Human Rights Day celebrations. And it's not even a protest march per se. But hey, we don't really have a functional SOIL-o-matic 3000™ yet. As such, what The Star chose to report is what we have to live with.

Or take this example, of the recently announced toll hike on some highways.

No toll hike for most Malaysians (click image to read full article)

Technically, it is true that most Malaysians will be spared a toll hike. After all, most Malaysians, particularly infants and kids below 18, the really elderly and motorbike riders aren't subjected to tolls in the first place. After unspinning and unwashing with the Unwashing Machine, though, the real story is, probably, that next year is undoubtedly going to be an election year, and some people are kinda feeling a sense of desperation. That, and the reluctance to admit the government agreed to and signed really crappy concession contracts, and now we taxpayers are bearing the brunt.

But the way the article is written, you'd think the concept of "public funds" simply doesn't exist in the minds of the incumbent government... and that's why we really need a contraption like the SOIL-o-matic 3000™ - to remind us that what the news tells us isn't necessarily the full 360. Not always.

Walski can't wait to put in his order for one. Hey, it's a great appliance to have, don't you think? The problem is that there is no actual fixed release date for the damn thing. Or at least that's what the product marketing spin indicates...

The bright side is that it gives us the opportunity to read between the lines all on our own. For now, at least.