Pinhead Demands Explantion from Fatwaman & JAIP
myAsylum reports on this new controversy, in this exclusive expose, straight from Hell, and soon-to-be Hell-on-Earth, Malaysia. First in a new series from the Hell-on-Earth News Network (HENN)
While the bloggerhood reeled with ire over the incident in Perak this week, when hormone-overladen Perak State Islamic Department (or JAIP) nabbed a lounge singer over her dressing, another controversy has secretly been brewing in the underworld. Not the underworld of the ah longs, hoodlums and gangsters, but the underworld of the Cenobites, the soul-capturing agents of Hell.
Early this morning, through a smoky vision swirling over the deathly pall of downtown Ipoh, spokesperson for the Cenobite community, Pinhead, lashed out at JAIP, by stating that the department had overstepped its authority.
"We are truly upset over this move. The role of creating hell on Earth belongs to the Cenobites, and the Cenobites alone", Pinhead said, when asked to comment on the actions of JAIP.
"What happened was nothing short of harassment - and that's another reason why we are upset. Harassment is our area of expertise. Who does JAIP think they are to usurp our duties?"
Obviously, Pinhead seemed upset. In the past few years, the Malaysian Islamists have been taking the role of creating hell on Earth away from the rightful executors of terror and nightmare, the Cenobites. While all this has been observed in silence by the Cenobites, Pinhead explained why the need to break the silence now. In short, it is over a breach of contract.
"Another thing we're pissed about - where the fuck are the 15,000 souls promised to us by brother Fatwaman? Where? Where?" a screaming Pinhead exclaimed, unable to hide his ire any longer. Pins were close to flying all over the room.
But a shocking question every concerned human needs to ask: what exactly did Pinhead mean by "brother Fatwaman"?
(separated at birth, and other shlocking revelations, in the full post)
An exclusive investigation carried out by the intrepid myAsylum CRAP (Cybernetic Remote Autonomous Para-roaches) squad has revealed a possible nexus between Fatwaman and Pinhead, possibly two nexuses.
Could the two actually be the same person?
The resemblance is uncanny... could it be?
(see end of post for picture sources)
Using the state of the art technology called VCA (Visual Comedic Analysis), CRAP has identified key facial and head-structure resemblances. Noticing that the ears and eyes have an uncanny similarity, could it be that Fatwaman is actually Pinhead in this dimension?
This, however, has been denied by Pinhead. "Hell no! We wouldn't touch him with a 10-foot pitchfork", he said. Fatwaman, however, couldn't be reached for comment; his press secretary indicated that Fatwaman was busy instructing JAIP on future harassment actions to cleanse the state of Perak of any remaining adult recreational activities.
Another possibility is that Fatwaman, and the other Mutant Mullahs, are actually in the employ of the Cenobites. And Pinhead's response to this was, shall we say, ambiguous.
"Yeah, sure, whatever... Believe what you want, if it makes sense... when you connect the dots, the eventual destination is the key to unravelling the truth. Like finding the cheese in a rat maze."
Could it be that hell on earth is the secret agenda that the Mutant Mullahs, under instruction from the Cenobites, are working towards? Already, other non-affiliated Mutant Mullahs have been calling on the country's leadership to not question the ulama (in Bahasa Malaysia, from Harakah), in response to the Perak Regent's call to the ulama to not take political sides. So now, the mission is to piss off everybody, without prejudice and across the board, it would seem.
That, coupled with isolated cases of where hell on earth, on a personal basis, has already been achieved, indicate that there could very well be a Cenobite-Mutant Mullah nexus.
Hell-on-Earth News Network (HENN) will be keeping a close eye on these developments.
(© 2007 - Hell-on-Earth News Network)
Walski's note of pictorial/verbal acknowledgements and disclaimer: The pictures of Fatwaman and Pinhead were taken from here and here, respectively. The phrase "wouldn't touch him with a 10-foot pitchfork" was originally used by Panda Head Curry, in a comment to a recent post. No muftis, Pinheads or Pandas were harmed in the making of this post. Any similarities to individuals alive, dead or undead is purely intentional for satirical purposes. Any offense taken is to be seriously laughed at.