Malaysia Declares it is an Ambiguous State
myAsylum reports on this new controversy, in this exclusive expose, straight from Hell, and soon-to-be Hell-on-Earth, Malaysia. Another episode in the continuing series from the Hell-on-Earth News Network (HENN)
Kuala Lumpur (at some indeterminate point in time today) - A shocking new directive from the well-loved Ministry of Insecure Internals has inadvertently declared Malaysia to be an Ambiguous State - definite, but not quite - and has warned mainstream media outlets to shut off their brains and accept the ambiguity as the undefinable truth.
This revelation, revealed through the revealing revelry of HENN's rival newspusher (subscription required), quoted the insecure ministry's Thought and Religious Pest Control section spokeperson, Senór Officer, as saying that it is safer to keep the state of Malaysia ambiguous, as any definition would otherwise make it definitely this, that or the other.
“Yes we have given the directive to all mainstream newspapers. Definition is a sensitive issue. They cannot publish any news on whether the country is or is not. And this directive is definite... I think.
“Stop harping on this. The debate would never end,” he asserted when contacted today.
However, he said newpapers can still publish statements from Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi and his deputy Najib Abdul Razak on the country being in a state of definite definition. Or not.
(orignal source: Rival Newspusher - subscription required, you cheapskates)
Because the indefiniteness of the definition is beyond definite defining, some editors of the mainstream press have been reported to have gone to the nearest veterinary clinic to turn their brains off. Some have even threatened commercial suicide. Unconfirmed reports have even been unambiguously received that a certain news editor's head exploded like an over-ripe mellon. What kind of mellon, though, was unfortunately not defined.
It is believed that this kneejerk reaction comes as an insecure response of the Ministry (of Insecure Internals) towards critics and brickbat-hurlers who hurled definite brickbats at the Deputy Prime Minsiter for stating that Malaysia is definitely... a state of some kind... despite historical evidence to suggest that in reality, Malaysia is a state... of another definite kind.
Meanwhile, citizens of Malaysia, unsure of what to think, were reported to have been seen walking aimlessly, sometimes in circles, mostly in shopping malls, over the ambiguity of their state, which according to experts is a clear indication of their growing ambiguity over the fuzzy definition of what's ahead of them. For lack of a better definition, as some critics have asserted, this may also explain their behavior on the road.
One expert, who wishes to keep his identity ambiguous, has expressed unequivocal concern that sweeping definition under the carpet is a worrying trend. And being trendy, apart from ambiguity, is another attribute that defines Malaysia and the ambiguously undefinable Malaysians who live within it. We think.
(unambiguity definitely needed, and more, in the full post)
This is definitely, beyond a shadow of ambiguous doubt, a worrying trend. Why fight definition? Sweeping such things under the carpet is going to make things worse. Who's going to clean the carpet when the time comes? It's already too lumpy to sit on, as it is.
And for the first time in history, myAsylum's intrepid squad of Cybernetic Remote Autonomous Pararoaches (CRAP), co-opted by HENN to investigate these ambiguous trends, came up with... nothing definite.
Once again, the definitively ambiguous measures taken by the Ministry of Insecure Internals to obscure the definition of what Malaysia definitely may be, or may not be, leads its citizens to another blurry tomorrow. With or without the haze.
HENN will definitely keep a close-one-eye on the definite, or indefinite, developments of this story, which has raised the concern of an ambiguously confused citizenry. What is somewhat clear, however, is that Malaysia, in all its uncertain, crystal-clear ambiguity, is definitely in a state.
(© 2007 - Hell-on-Earth News Network)