The sensationalist stylings of Jonathan Kent

Technorati tags: Humor, Journalism, Obfuscation, ZAM, Propaganda, BBC, Jonathan Kent, Lina Joy

Sensationalism. It sells news. And so when Walski spotted the following headline this morning, he knew something bone-chillingly exciting was afoot. Or a-0.3m, to be Metrically correct.

Althought the article doesn't delve into what tune, or music genre, ZAM says DON'T

It doesn't quite say what tune, though. Naughty Star... knowing damn well that incomplete reporting such as this irks music afficionados like Walski to no end.

I'm too sexy for my by-line, too sexy for my column-inch, too sexy.... somehow this Right Said Fred tune keeps buzzing in Walski's head.

Being that it's been a rough week, and Walski needed some sensational stuff to pep up his Saturday morning, what else could he do but head on to the very BBC article that ZAM was referring to. Excpecting, of course to find mayhem, maybe even a trumped up murder or three, sex... oh yes... what could be more sensational than sex...

Caution: This BBC article contains extreme non-sensationalism

Okay reading thru paragraph one... Where's the sex? Where's the murder mystery? It has to be in paragraph five or later... read on, Walski, no turning back now! Knowing damn well the reputation that Jonathan Kent carries with him - Mr. Sensational himself - there has to be sensationalist drama-queen stuff in here somewhere... Okay, he may not be as sensational as his possible-relative Clark, but hey... good 'ol Jon definitely knows how to ruffle feathers with his extreme Western bias and sensationally written articles... right? Err.. right?
(more deflated sensationalism, in the full post)

WTF??!?

Walski's been had!! The BBC article couldn't be more humdrum fact-filled... Damn. Was really looking forward to some adrenalin-jolting stuff, instead of the totally butt-numbing, straight-laced reporting that Walski had to endure through this morning. Butt-numbing, because he had to sit down while reading it.

And unless you're totally and incurably tone deaf, and have no dancing capability to save your sorry ass, you can't only NOT dance to the BBC article, Walski found it even impossible to hum to. The only humming Walski could hear was from air-conditioning in his home office. That's how musically challenged the BBC article was.

Which begs the question: exactly which part of the article was sensationalist?

Was it this?

Malaysia's constitution guarantees freedom of worship but says all ethnic Malays are Muslim. Under Sharia law, Muslims are not allowed to convert.

Or perhaps this?

Ms Joy has been disowned by her family and forced to quit her job. She went into hiding last year. A Muslim lawyer who supported her case received death threats.

Unfortunately, both quotes happen to contain factual information. Some of us may not like to hear it, but they are, in fact, true. Damn the BBC for printing such truth Western bias.

Or was it possibly the offending file photo and the equally offending caption that accompanied it? Look at the photo and caption carefully (on the right). Can you spot the offensive bits? Yes? No? Maybe?

In fact, the only misleading sensationalism Walski could spot anywhere in the article was the photo of a few big and small domes, which were irresponsibly captioned to allude to the possibility that Lina Joy could actually be seen in the picture. So, which dome represents Lina, and which of the family that disowned her? And is the boss of the job she quit even represented by any of these domes?

Why these particular domes? What's the significance of these very domes - which come to think of it, are somewhat phallic, if you stare at them long enough. Is it a blatant attempt by the BBC to pollute the minds of innocent and naive Malaysians, through this irresponsible use of domes?

And if one were to deconstruct the word dome, what do you get? DO ME. A ha! They want to DO US IN! And get us to DO IT to our ownselves. By our own selves. It's all subliminal and devious, Walski tells ya. All hail ZAM! Protector of the feeble-minded!

Sensationalist Western propaganda, Walski tells ya...

I'm too sexy for my Ministry,
Too sexy for my obfuscation,
So sexy... my dick hurts...

Damn it - that stupid Right Said Goebbels ZAM Fred song is still echoing through Walski's synapses... don't you just hate it when you wake up in the morning and a certain song keeps playing over, and over, and over again in your head all fucking day long? Like a broken record - or ZAM?

Which actually reminds Walski of this wonderful children's book he had read when he was a wee little lad... L. Frank Baum's The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. ZAM kinda reminds Walski of the Scarecrow. Not because the Scarecrow is made of straw and is kinda flimsy.

But because at the end, when they all get to see the Wizard, the Scarecrow asks the grand Wizard for something they both need in common ... a brain.

Walski's furious DO ME footnote: With apologies to Jonathan Kent - who, while not officially credited for the article (Walski couldn't find a by-line), is the BBC's Malaysian correspondent, and therefore the obvious target of scorn by anyone dissatisfied with how the BBC reports. No domes, foreign or local journalists, idiot Ministers or oft-parodied artistes were physically harmed in any way in the process of writing this post.