Pau-maker undeterred by McCurry decision (and other goofy news)

Technorati tags: Humor, Parody, Malaysia, Pau, Tali-bun, Taliban, Burka, i-Burka, Afghanistan

Last Friday, The Star published a report about the High Court siding with McDonald's Corporation, and preventing McCurry Restaurant (KL) Sdn Bhd from using the "Mc" prefix. But one food manufacturer remains undeterred by this landmark decision.

Famous pau maker Upau-Upay (or Up-Up, for short) plans to go ahead with their plans to release the next generation pau, a pau they say that will revolutionize the way Malaysians eat their favorite stuffed steamed dough-dumpling, forever.

Sources close to the pau industry have disclosed to Walski that Up-Up has redesigned the pau, adding a piece of string to the traditional pau which, upon pulling, will totally unravel the pau skin, instantly presenting the steamed breaded contents for consumption.

Up-up has named their new invention, the Tali-bun^TM.

Eating the pau will never be the same again

Already, the rumor mill has started to turn, with thousands of pau traditionalists starting to organize against the release of this new product, which they claim is a "great sacrilege to mainstream pau connaisseurs". These traditionalists, whom have organized themselves into a coalition called the Pau Traditionalists Organized against Ostentatious Insolence (or PTOOI), are rumored to be planning protests at the Up-Up corporate headquarters in Tanjung Malim, and anywhere the new-fangled Tali-bun^TM may be sold.

But possible legal action, similar to the McCurry affair, could come from a totally different group of people. And just who might they be, taking great offense to the name of this new and improved pau, the Tali-bun^TM?
(more anti Tali-bun^TM news, plus another new product surprise, in the fullpost)

None other than the Afghani Taliban, claiming that the brandname Tali-bun^TM will cause confusion, and that it is a blatant attempt by Up-Up to gain unfair product recognition advantage, at the detriment of the Taliban brandname.

No Taliban members (especially their marketing department) could be reached for comment, as they were currently busy in skirmishes in the southern region of Afghanistan, reclaiming what's theirs from the infidel coalition of nations, lead by the Great Satan army. And also getting their asses kicked by NATO forces in the process.

There are those, however, who disagree with what's being reported by the western news media, and are looking forward to the day that the Taliban reclaim Afghanistan. The prospect of this scares many people, particularly those that lived in the late 1990's under their rule.

But one other rather unexpected group of people is apparently also looking forward to the Taliban taking back control of Afghanistan - fashion designers.

The burka, the much-maligned tent-like, compulsory adornment for females under the Taliban regime, is set to make a explosive comeback to the Afghani fashion scene, should the regime once again rule Afghanistan.

And in preparation for this, fashion designers the world over are busy-busy-busy - as the expected boom in burka sales is expected, the minute the Taliban take over.

Burka supermodels rehearsing for
a potentially unprecedented demand

Hot on the heels of successful products on the market, prefixed with the letter "i" (like the iPod, iGallop, iJet, iSpa, and countless others), Afghani fashion designers have allegedly been busy designing the latest in high-tech fashion, the i-Burka^TM.

Introducing the latest rage in burka comfort and safety...

It looks like a burka, (and if worn long enough) smells like a burka, but it's more - much, much more! Using the latest in digital imaging technologies, the i-Burka^TM comes, among other thing, with a flexible LCD screen, connected to micro-cameras stitched into the head area, allowing the wearer a perfect view of what's in front of them. The Bluetooth-enabled LCD screen can also connect, remotely and discretely, to DVD players, internet TV, and other illegal entertainment sources. Strategically placed micro speakers provide the wearer, privately, with pristine, Dolby^TM-quality 5.1 surround sound (complete-with vibration only sub-woofer)!

And for a mere 15,000 Afghanis, you can even purchase the rear-view micro-cam option, providing an unprecedented 360deg view of the world! Other relevant accessories are currently in the process of being designed.

Fitted with the latest micro-Electronic Climate Control technology, the i-Burka^TM allows the wearer an unprecedented level of freedom never before experienced. So comfortable, in fact, that wearers of this new and improved design can gallavant around town in the nude (but not naked), without fear of persecution.

In addition, the i-Burka^TM exterior is constructed from super-strong, sheer, lacey Kevlar^TM - because you never know when that sniper's gonna get trigger happy next. The latest technology in flexi-protective layering allows the wearer unprecedented safety from stray bullets, yet allows you to remain fashionably lacey, yet totally covered from head-to-toe. Rest assured, your next trip to town, will no longer potentially be your last!

Exciting things are in store, it would seem, should the Taliban once again control the frontiers of Afghanistan. And if Up-Up play their cards right, and align themselves with the up-and-coming Halal food hub initiative, the next Taliban breakfast may just consist of some Tali-bun^TM, prepared by the ever-faithful Afghni domiciled woman, adorned in the fashionably-safe i-Burka^TM.

And the fear of legal suits against Up-Up would therefore be a distant, fading memory - just like the prospect of democracy in a fast-creeping, Taliban future...

Walski's disclaimer: No pau's (of any filling type), or nude Burka models, were injured in the process of generating this post. The Tali-bun^TM and i-Burka^TM products are not yet available on the market, pending patent approval, and hostile take-over of Afghanistan, respectively.